10 top patton oswalt quotes
- I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes.
- If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.
- I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.
- Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.
- Every zombie story is fundamentally about a breakdown of order, with the infrastructure intact. That infrastructure might be on fire, yes.
- I visited Surrey in the early fall of 1994, and I would return only if I was tasked to kill a demon to save the world. Maybe not even then. Sorry, Surrey. Sorry, world. Yay, hypothetical demon.
- Comedy and terror and autobiography and comics and literature-they’re all the same thing. To me.
- Eight people show up. The emcee is warm, friendly, and about as funny as Shoah. I take the stage to the sound of, my hand to God, one person clapping once and only once, and then I start into my act.
- I suspected, around the time I graduated college, that we’re all versions of targets, fired at by indifferent events. If that was the case, then I wanted to be a moving target.
- I’ve been very lucky in my life in terms of people who are able to tolerate me.
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